I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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