How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
