you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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