This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
