Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
