great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
