"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
