I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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