Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i think i just lost a toe
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
