we're chasing vodka with high fives
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
