Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
