I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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