Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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