hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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