it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
