drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
