My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
