If i come over, it means nothing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
