I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
