She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
