You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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