dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
