I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
