Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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