So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
nutella sex= disaster
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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