we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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