I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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