Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
