He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
