I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
