So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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