My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
there is glitter all over my balls
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