If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
