i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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