as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
