you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
