I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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