you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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