I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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