Don't make out with my wife yet
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
