you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize