So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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