I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
