Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
