My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
