I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
