words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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