i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
