I wish I could punch you in the face.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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