idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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