I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
