I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
