We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
