What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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