ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
