just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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