At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
