Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
