Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
