Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
