Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
