My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
