he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize