You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
