She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
