Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
