Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
